Marc's Eulogy

The List in My Heart

My sister Suzanne and I became closer than ever during the last years of her life. For me, being with her was like watching the sun slowly rise over the water: serene, beautiful, soothing. I will forever remember the many healing and tranquil moments I spent in her presence.

Suzanne liked to keep lists and so in her honor, I am keeping a list of things she taught me. The list will never be crossed off or completed and I don’t need to write it down to remember it. I will carry this list with me for the rest of my life, safely within my heart.

First, be calm. Suzanne had a peace about her, especially later in life. During her most difficult chapter, she was composed and dignified. Not once did I hear her lose her temper or complain. Even on her worst days, when I knew she was really hurting, I would ask her, “How are you doing?” and she would reply, “I’m hangin’ in there.” Her second day in home hospice care, I was home alone with her for the better part of the day. She was losing the ability to walk but was determined to get out of bed and so I helped her. When it later came time to get back in bed, her legs gave out quickly and despite my efforts, she ended up on the floor. Visibly shaken and out of breath, Suzanne said in a very matter of fact voice, “I guess I’ll just have to sit on the floor for a while.” I sat down next to her, held her hand and laid my head on hers. That was her last time out of bed. It was that sort of calm under tremendous adversity that I will always admire about Suzanne.

Second, be gracious. Suzanne was a genuinely thankful person. I often heard her say to me and others, “Thank you so much, “ and you knew she really meant it. Her quiet congeniality and warm smile endeared her to family, friends, and even those who barely knew her. The nurses on her floor fought over who would get to take care of Suzanne. Her hospice social worker, Sybil, met with Suzanne only twice, and could not recall anyone impacting her so deeply in such a short amount of time. She was always concerned about others’ feelings, never wanting to hurt or offend. I cannot think of anyone more interested in peoples’ feelings than Suzanne.

Third, embrace others. My sister loved all sorts of people. She loved them despite their flaws, she loved them regardless of belief or creed, she loved them without strings attached. Suzanne was never concerned if someone didn’t fit a certain mold. Even at the end, Suzanne insisted that her funeral be an event where everyone would feel comfortable, no matter their background or personal beliefs. Suzanne was also an expert at embracing others in the physical sense. Her hugs were always a little warmer and a little longer. My son Alex recently recalled that she “gave good hugs.” If Suzanne were here, I think she’d ask us all to give good hugs not only today, but always.

Fourth, be kind. Whether it was crocheting blankets for hospitalized children, writing a greeting card or just making someone feel loved, Suzanne poured her time and soul into people. Shortly after her initial diagnosis, she presented me with a scrap book of my early years. She meticulously crafted every page with pictures, words, stencil work, and other techniques I probably could not even spell (I’m sure her scrap booking pal, Cousin Gwen could). When she presented the book to me, I could not have felt more special at that moment. She must have spent countless hours and days selecting the pictures, writing the words, cutting, pasting, and assembling that book. That was my Suzanne. She could have picked something off a shelf but she knew it meant more when she made it herself. That was her style of kindness.

Be calm, be gracious, embrace others and be kind. These are the important lessons my sister taught me. These are the things that she imprinted forever as a list in my heart.